I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
