remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
