why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
