Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
