The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
