the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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