Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
