its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
