note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
