Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
