I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
