A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
another moral hangover. fuck.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
