Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
