I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
