the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
