just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
