yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
