A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
