I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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