remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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