There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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