What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hippo gnu deer
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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