well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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