so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
