If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
