I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
