Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(905): View more from Toronto

just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS

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(604): View more from British Columbia

You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?

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(801): View more from Utah

Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock

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