Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
