there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
