nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
