dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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