Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we're making bets on your personal life
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I want a musical about memes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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