Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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