someone threw a dead crab at me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
