i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
