When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
