Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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