Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
