Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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