I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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