I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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