I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Randomize
