break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
