I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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