TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
