i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
