Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need a burrito and a hug.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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