This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
