Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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