my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
