do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
