If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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